(Published September 8, 2009)
I don't have strong feelings one way or the other about nepotism policies, but dating policies are a different story.
My only advice when it comes to nepotism policies is that family members should never, ever, ever be in the same reporting chain and, if possible, not in the same department. I think I've told you about the time we had to fire one employee for cause while his wife still worked in the same department; we had no issues with her, but she finally ended up quitting — the divided loyalties were just too much for her. On the other hand, I've had a brother running Shipping while his sister was in Administration; a husband in Sales with his wife in Accounting; cousins working in different field offices; and the occasional team of other family members working together. As long as you're careful to keep them out of each other's working orbit, I don't see a real problem with it.
Dating policies are much trickier. On the one hand, it's unreasonable to think that when people spend eight hours a day or longer together, they won't form attractions. Some people, for various reasons, don't have the opportunity to meet anyone other than at work.
On the other hand, should a relationship formed out of employment not work out, you've got some serious complications that could lead to legal action. The last thing you want is one of the partners claiming sexual harassment or gender discrimination, because of things that happened while they were off-duty.
On the other hand (yes, I know we're up to three hands now), how in the world are you going to enforce a policy that deals with things that happen when your employees are not at work?
So I don't think a no-dating policy is going to be the answer. I'm not so sure there is an answer. You all know me well enough by now to know that I don't believe in the one-size-fits-all scenario; there are too many possible variations from one company to another and even from one department to another. Exception: I think it's even more important that employees who are in a personal relationship are held to the "not in the same department and most certainly not in the same reporting chain" rule that I described above.
The problem is, and always will be, that it's an honor system. Even if you implement a policy that relationships need to be reported to HR and that it will result in transfers, not termination, not everyone is going to do so. They won't want to transfer to a different field office or store or department, because it will affect their childcare or their commute, or because they don't think it's the employer's business. And really, to a certain extent, they're right about the latter. If they can keep their relationship out of the office, why should they have to tell their employer?
It's only when it is affecting business that the employer needs to get involved in the employee's personal life. Maybe the way we need to address it is more like this: "We don't care what you do outside work or with whom you do it, as long as what you do outside work stays outside work. Our policy is that you can't be in a dating or family relationship with someone in your same reporting chain, so please let us know about any relationships with co-workers you may have so that we can avoid that. As long as that's followed, we won't terminate or transfer anyone, if it isn't affecting your work. If it starts to have an effect on business, one of you will be transferred to the Northbridge location faster than you can say, 'extra commuter rail stop.' Okay?"
Think that'll work? (Wink)
Catherine Bannon is an HR consultant in Marshfield, MA (catherine.bannon@gmail.com). Bannon worked for 10 years in HR management before starting her consulting practice.
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