HR Soapbox Blog

The Long Arm Of Rudeness

(Published September 14, 2009)

You've heard about the dangers of secondhand smoke, but how about the dangers of secondhand rudeness? A University of Florida study concluded that simply observing rude behaviors (as opposed to being the target of the behavior) can have an adverse effect on employees.

Specifically, the study found that witnessing discourteous behavior erodes an employee's ability to think creatively, solve problems, be an effective team player, and even causes the employee to harbor deep, dark, and destructive thoughts.

I never really thought about how witnessing rude behavior affects me, but after reading this article I did, and I think the study is spot on! I've certainly observed workplace rudeness, not here at AHI of course (wink), but haven't we all?!? I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, it made me anxious and uncomfortable. It certainly threw my focus for a temporary loop, as I was consumed by thoughts of "Did that just happen?" after witnessing a worker yelling at her co-worker and slamming shut the co-worker's office door before stomping down the hallway, or "He'd better not talk to me like that" upon hearing a manager respond to a colleague's legitimate question in a condescending manner.

This past weekend Serena Williams and Kayne West gave everyone a glimpse at what it's like to work with someone who explodes in anger and publicly humiliates their professional colleagues. As I watched Williams berate a line judge at the U.S. Open and West tarnish Taylor Swift's shining moment at the MTV Video Music Awards, I was appalled by their behavior. All I kept thinking was "I can't believe they are making such spectacles of themselves! Are they really doing this?!? Do they have any idea how bad they look?!?

Since the damaging effects of rudeness are so widespread, employers need to put a stop to it. As much as you might like to, you can't literally wield a club over the head of rude employees until they mind their manners. What you can do is control your actions and demand professionalism from less-than-polite employees.

Lead by example. Be cordial and friendly to peers and subordinates alike. Use "please" and "thank you," regardless of to whom you are talking; ask about an individual's well-being; hold a door open for them; compliment them on a new haircut; etc.

Play nice. No matter how aggravated you might be, don't lose your cool and react to rudeness with rudeness.

Tell it like it is. Inform the offending employee that their behavior is unprofessional and unacceptable. Stress that if the behavior continues, is disruptive to the workplace, or is threatening to others, you won't hesitate to begin the disciplinary process.

Rate it. Add "civility" to performance assessments. Knowing that their civility, or lack thereof, could impact promotion decisions, pay raises, etc., might cause your worst offenders to shape up.

Melissa V. Pomerantz
Editor

Posted by Editorial at 9/14/2009 7:47 AM

Rudeness is not just in what one says and does - it can also be in what one doesn't say and do! We have a worker in our office that is actually an outside hire that runs our copy room. She ignores us, dumps our mail, and various and sundry versions and manners of passive agressive behaviors -- but she gets by with it because she has longevity, is good most of the time with what she does do and is very good friends with our HR person. I just found out that a very important time sensitive doc didn't make it out the door in yesterdays mail - and myself and the other person who know about it are just going to wait till the "xx" hits the fan when the doc is kicked back for not being filed by the correct date. The rude person had all afternoon - but she was too busy on her cell phone to get busy. Maybe she'll get an attudude/atti-rude adjustment!!
Posted by: Carol at 9/15/2009 10:03 AM

We have this problem. It is our CFO. What do you do then? He throws paperwork on your desk from the doorway. He interrupts business calls for things that could wait. Walks in on a closed door meeting without any apology. He talks on the speakerphone disturbing everyone, but if you have a conversation with the door open and he thinks it is to loud he will come close your door (not his) and stomp off. This makes everyone on edge.
Posted by: Tracy at 9/15/2009 4:05 PM

Our problem is also with upper management, like Tracy's. They display behaviors use language that would get most people kicked out of a public place. Just a couple of weeks ago, our GM yelled in my face. I wasn't the target of the aggression, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. For me, that was the last straw, and my resume is on the market.

We lose alot of good employees because of this, and they're going to lose another one.
Posted by: Mary at 9/15/2009 5:07 PM

Sorry to hear that, Mary. I've worked in a toxic environment, and one tends to get swept up into the chaos. After a while, you're in the 'bubble' and are feeding the same cycle you thought was so crazy in the first place. Eventually, I got up the courage to leave whether I had a new position or not. It was the best decision I've made. It doesn't have to be that way - for me.
Posted by: SM at 9/16/2009 11:19 AM

I agree that the survey hit the proverbial nail on the head. We have a multi-departmental team that gets along amazingly well with a single exception.

I know the field manager is in the building within a few minutes of his arrival - I can sense the negative change in atmosphere and morale and know he's said something to upset someone. His type of rudeness is the most difficult kind to deal with. It's often disguised as "humor" with a mean edge to it, and even more often is not so much a matter of what was said, but the tone in which it was said.

I've tried taking him aside and diplomatically letting him know that he was upsetting staffers. Not only did it do no good, it actually made matters worse by letting him know he was successful in pushing people's buttons. As a last resort, I went to the owner about it and got a response along the lines of "he comes from the field so cut him some slack." Big help there!

We're about to lose a couple of good people over this guy's attitude and remarks - maybe that will be a wakeup call to the owner. (Probably not, but one can hope...)
Posted by: Terrie J at 9/16/2009 11:33 AM

I may have missed it, but did you comment on the ultimate example of rude behavior exhibited by a Congressman towards the President of the United States during a joint session? More people witnessed that than people witnessed another athlete or entertainer gone bad.
Posted by: Evelyn at 9/16/2009 11:34 AM

I've worked in an environment where the CEO enjoyed "ruling by intimidation" (he admitted to it in print). It was very stressful for everyone, even for people not directly impacted by him, since his bad manners and lack of concern for the staff "trickled down." We lost many strong people who just couldn't bear working there. My next job was the exact opposite -- the CEO really cared about her staff and it was a pleasure producing for her. It was a much healthier place to be.
Posted by: Linda at 9/16/2009 11:37 AM

I actually have a comment about lack of courtesy when it comes to greeting co-workers. It is a constant uphill battle where I work to get people to say "good morning" or "good evening" in reply to my greeting. We have a person (sales executive) whom I know for about 6 years and she will walk right by you without looking in your face or returing your greeting. I cannot believe she actually gets customers to buy anything from her. In general this place had many people who go out of their way to be rude, unpleasant and confrontational. I guess they take their cue from upper management. While many other co-workers are as nice as can be.
Posted by: AB at 9/16/2009 11:51 AM

I believe in treating people the way you would like to be treated. Years ago I had a co-worker who never returned my greetings. She seemed to be a nice person, and I could not figure out why she ignored me. One day I happened to greet her by name, "Good Morning, Jane." She looked up and returned the greeting. The look on her face led me to believe she was surprised that I spoke to her. Then I realized that she had assumed greetings were directed towards other people. Subsequently, I made a point to greet her by name.
Posted by: Goldie at 9/16/2009 12:07 PM

My biggest problem is not in out and out rude behavior, but in the condescending attitudes of people in a couple of areas here. They have no problem conveying how much more important they are than everyone else, and of course they can't possibly be expected to do anything resembling work.

I understand there are always 'special people' in any organization, but it certainly does destroy morale to be treated this way. Worse yet, it also removes any desire to put forth that extra little bit of effort that can sometimes make the difference between doing an acceptable job and doing an excellent one.
Posted by: Mary( Visit ) at 9/16/2009 12:13 PM

What interesting timing on this article! My daughter and I were having a discussion just yesterday evening regarding rude and inconsiderate behavior and how prevalent it is in today's society. Seems to start on the roads driving in to work, continue throughout the day and follow into the evening's television viewing. I think somewhere along the line society as a whole has lost common manners, consideration for others and generally treating others as you would like to be treated, which is quite tragic. It seems to be the era of "me" and rudeness.
Posted by: Paula at 9/16/2009 1:20 PM

Since this blog is sponsored by the Alexander Hamilton Institute, I thought it might be of interest to note that Alexander Hamilton got so fed up with rudeness of his boss that he quit. His boss? George Washington, America’s first Chief (abrasive) Executive. I’d like to present this excerpt included in my book Taming the Abrasive Manager: How to End Unnecessary Roughness in the Workplace (Jossey-Bass, 2007.

Thomas Jefferson described Washington’s temper as “naturally irritable and high-toned,” and “when it broke its bonds, he was most tremendous in his wrath.” In the biography Founding Father, Richard Brookhiser (1996) wrote that Washington’s temper “had its raw edges . . . and when they were incautiously touched, he could become dangerous to those around him.” Brookhiser goes on to quote Alexander Hamilton’s description of how, after four years of service on Washington’s staff, Hamilton suffered humiliation (one of the Big Five indicators of an abrasive boss) at General Washington’s hands:

Washington had just chewed him {Hamilton] out. “Two days ago, the General and I passed each other on the stairs” at headquarters. “He told me he wanted to speak to me. I answered that I would wait upon him immediately.” Two minutes later, by Hamilton’s own count, “I met him at the head of the stairs where, accosting me in an angry tone, ‘Colonel Hamilton,’ said he, ‘you have kept me waiting at the head of the stairs these ten minutes. I must tell you sir, you treat me with disrespect.’ Hamilton resigned then and there [Brookhiser, p. 117].

I specialize in researching and coaching abrasive bosses, bosses who resort to rudeness (which, in it’s most severe form, constitutes workplace bullying). The good news is that once these individuals are made aware of their destructive impact on others, required to abandon their abandon their abrasive styles, and offered specialized coaching, most can change. And there are a few who have the insight to do it on their own.:

The pattern of closure in Washington’s outbursts suggests a pattern of deliberate control. They ended because he willed them to end. Considering the problems that arose during eight and a half years as Commander in Chief and eight years as President, there must have been many storms which were controlled before they burst out. Virtually every observer who noted Washington’s temper also noted the close rein he kept on it—including Washington himself. Henry Lee, a family friend, once told the Washingtons that the painter [Gilbert] Stuart said his subject had a temper. Martha Washington exclaimed that Stuart had been out of line to say so. Lee finished the story: Stuart had added that the temper was under “wonderful control.” “Mr. Stuart is right,” Washington remarked. [From Brookhiser’s Rules of Civility: The 110 Precepts that Guided Our First President in War and Peace, 1997].

There is hope.

Laura Crawshaw, Ph.D.
The Boss Whisperer®
Founder, The Boss Whispering Institute
Posted by: Laura Crawshaw, Ph.D.( Visit ) at 9/16/2009 1:55 PM

I mis-typed the link to visit my website. This one should work. Sorry.
Posted by: Laura Crawshaw, Ph.D.( Visit ) at 9/16/2009 1:57 PM

Coaching only works if E-Staff is will to acknowledge the behavior is a problem. As others posted above, I too have worked for CFOs who enjoyed "managing by intimidation". One CFO, I worked with would often say--I like people being afraid of me. When I suggested that collaboration produces better results--she indicated well, yeah--but I like keeping people in line. I often felt sorry for her famiy.
Posted by: Merlynn Bertini at 9/16/2009 2:11 PM

Hey Evelyn,
It's a shame someone always has to bring up their politics on this supposedly "HR" blog, but now that you have...Wilson's "You lie" paled in comparison with the choruses of boos the former President got during his State of the Union address in 2005 OR the booing he received during the current President's inauguration ceremony. People in glass houses...
Posted by: Paddy at 9/16/2009 2:40 PM

HR Compliance Information Specialists

Brought to you by the Alexander Hamilton Institute

HR Soapbox Blog

The Long Arm Of Rudeness